What a weekend!!

Woah! Maaajjjooorrr updates and stories in this entry. Sorry I've been lacking in the blog department :)

I was out of town last week with Jessica, a girl from work. We drove to the beach and hung out, went to the aquarium, went clubbing, and had lots and lots of drinks :) Of course, my last night there was fun except toward the end. On the car ride home, one of the guys slapped Jessica. She laughed it off and moved on. Then the guy turns and slaps me. Ummmm, no. I lunged across the car and slapped and punched him until he let up. Kinda ruined my night, but I got over it pretty quickly. After all, I had to get to bed at a decent hour to make the drive home.

Saturday night at work was amazing though. I received first pick, so I chose one of our best sections. One table said I was the best server of any restaurant they had ever been to. My reward? An item of my choosing from the merchandise store. I chose a shirt I've had my eye on for a while now. It's white with the letters 'LOVE' arranged in a giant block (if that makes sense) and in pink. I was so incredibly happy. Also, one of the guys at the table actually lived down the street from me back in Tampa. How crazy is that?? It was a really good night.

Sunday was boring, like always. The Panthers had a bye week, so naturally not many people came in to watch the games. I sat with some Chicago Bears fans and we were pretty disappointed they lost. :( Oh well, maybe next time. I did have a guy come in though, sit in one of my booths and order a water. Nothing else. Sat there for four hours and when his game was over, got up and left. Suffice to say, I was pretty peeved. Couldn't he have sat at the bar if that's what he was here for? This just seals it for me though; I am going to try my hardest not to work Sunday mornings again. The table turnover is nil and I just don't make the money that I would any other day of the week

I picked out my costume for Halloween. All I need to do is find some white flats to wear since I refuse to wear heels all day. Here's a pic of it.


Oh! And I sold my first calendar! Hooters has this thing going where they will send a calendar to our troops overseas in Iraq and Afghanistan if you buy one and write a little note on a sticker for them. Yayyyy!! I'm going to probably buy a few and send them over. :)

Speaking of troops, finally got to talk to J yesterday. He had been away for the past three days and I started to get worried. It was 11:11 yesterday morning and I told him to make a wish (I've always made wishes on 11:11 and make sure he does so too). I told him cookies and cupcakes don't count since he always wishes for that. So he kept badgering and asking what my wish was and seemed a little upset I wouldn't tell him (HELLO! Wishes don't come true if you tell!!). But I relented and told him. . . . sooooo we'll see lol.

That is the quick and dirty of what's been going on for the past week. I work a lot this week, so I'm sure there will be plenty of stories later.

"You don't seem like a Hooters Girl"

I hung out with a regular and a girl from work last night at a nearby club after I got out of Hooters. The girl had walked away and it was just me and the regular. He turns to me and we have this conversation:

Him- "Now . . . don't take this the wrong way at all."

Me- "Ok?"

Him- "I've been watching you and trying to read you since you first started, and I've gotta say; You just don't seem like you're a Hooters Girl."

Me- "I'm confused. Is that bad??"

Him- "No! Well, I don't think it is. You've got all your shit together. I mean, you go to school, you want to make something of yourself, you don't deal with drama, you're extremely nice, so I just can't see you as a Hooters Girl."

At this point I start laughing. I don't think what he said was bad at all, but it really got me thinking. Stereotypically, what exactly makes a Hooters Girl?

Don't drink and drive!

Yesterday was completely dead. I mean, so dead that I ended up repricing a lot of our merchandise, scrub the window free of residue left from a sticker, and do some crunches and cardio in the booths. How much did I make? I made just enough to buy me a new Hooters jacket. Since moving here, I've bought so much winter stuff and one more jacket can't hurt :)

We have this regular who creeps me the eff out. He comes in all the time and has the craziest droopy-eye thing I've ever seen. He acts like he knows everything and we all joke he should just apply to be a Hooters girl. Anyway, he came in once before and I had him at my table. Must be a newbie thing because none of the other girls told me how he was. Oh well, I learned the hard way. This guy talked about wanting to set up something to get pictures of me, kept saying he wants to take me out, hit me over the head with thundersticks (literally, HIT ME OVER THE HEAD AS HARD AS HE COULD!!), and would not leave me alone. He will latch on to a girl and obsess over them endlessly. Oh, and when you're away, he will talk as much trash as he can about you. Anyway, back to the topic at hand. He came in yesterday and I was pricing the merchandise. A new girl was standing and talking with me when he interrupted us and talked about how awesome he was that he drove drunk yesterday without hitting anyone or getting pulled over.

Let me stop here and tell you how much this infuriates me. My best friend almost died because she drove home drunk. Hearing him talk about it like it's no big deal just angered me hardcore. As I opened my mouth to say something, new girl jumped in and laid into him.

"Wait wait wait!!! You mean to tell me you drove home, drunk, on the effin highway, and think it's a joke?? What about the innocent people on the road?? Seriously, we live in a town with a million hotels and you couldn't have the brains to just stay in one for a night?? No, I can't believe you would brag about that. It's not cool at all."

*silence*

And Crazy Eye walks away without another word. I look at New Girl and smile. She's pretty much my hero.

I work a double tomorrow (Wednesday), Sunday, and I work Friday night. I'm pretty stoked, especially because it means that I got four days off this week. We'll see how well this does for my income.

I worked doubles on Saturday and Sunday this past week, not scheduled. I was very happy-go-lucky and ready to go until about 4 or 5pm on Sunday. I don't know why, but my attitude completely did a 180. I went from being very happy to downright angry at everything and everyone. It didn't help the fact that a regular who comes in all the time sat in my section. This guy thinks his shit doesn't stink. Whatever, that's who he is. So after a while his all-knowing attitude really gets to me and I just walk away.

Finally it all came to a boil when a girl makes coffee and walks away to do other work. Somehow, the coffee fell off the wait station and burned my leg; not too bad, but just enough to hurt me. So I just started to cry. Haha, typical of me. I went to the back to redo my makeup (with the help of some of my lovely girls <3) and I was back to my happy self. . . . probably helped that we were completely dead Sunday night. I have the Jets/Dolphins game to thank for that. :)

Oh! And I finally got bangs!! Everyone at work has them and I've been dying to get them for forever but I was too chicken. Well, they're not exactly how I wanted them done, but they work for now. I will post a pic sometime soon.

So, there's also the Jonathan situation. Sunday afternoon I went to check my phone and I see a skype notification and a new email. Well there are only a handful of people that skype me lately, and I can safely eliminate about half of them. So I open it and it's from Jonathan. He had emailed me because he thought I was ignoring him. So anyway, we talked later that night (or technically morning) and we've talked everyday since. Today we talked about our breakup and everything that has happened. I'll save that convo for another day because it was definitely a long convo.

I've gotta go finish some homework. I'm praying that Thursday I'll be out and about with a girl from work. I haven't gone out since I've moved here. Woohoo!!

It was worth it in the end

I've gotta make this a quick post because I need to finish up my homework. I work tomorrow night, Saturday night, and Sunday afternoon (helloooooo NFL!!). I've had the past two days off which is amazing! I went and blew all of my money yesterday on duct tape for my server's book, Bare Minerals face makeup, sushi for lunch, a new haircut, patches for my jeans, aaaaannnnddd I think that's it. Oh! I got inserts for my bra but they don't work so I'm taking them back. I'll just wear two bras to work.

My big reason for updating?? Guess who emailed me this afternoon. Jonathan. His email was pretty short but it talked about how he's been hearing how I've been doing through his grandmother (who is my facebook friend. I love her!). He said he has been scared to write the email for some time and he wants to hear from me. I don't know what to feel. I feel angry that he waited this long to write me and apologize. I'm sad that everything we've ever worked for between us had fallen apart and I'm left with nothing but a huge hole in my heart that I work everyday to fix. I want to not write back and put him through the hell I went though, but I still want to be his friend and be there for him.

I am so incredibly happy he wrote me though. Nothing but a friendship will happen from this. I won't let anything else happen otherwise. I'll give it a day or so and write back afterwards.

It's been a long time

I've been so incredibly busy with work that my blog updating has suffered! :( Work has been very interesting. Let's see what I remember and what I can post right now.

Today we got our pink scooter back. What does this mean? It means I get to ride around the entire restaurant (and the parking lot) on a pink scooter and entertain people. It actually goes pretty fast too for how little it is. I got a picture of me on it that I made my facebook picture and the scooter is just so damn cute!! I want one for myself to ride around here at the apartment.

I had two young couples come in today. Here's where it gets rather interesting. The first thing the girl says to me when I come to the table is, "Do you know who this is in this picture?" and she pointed to a framed photo on the wall. Of course, I have no idea. She says, "That's me." .. . . . ummm ok? Great? What do you want, a cookie? So time goes on and they all want to buy alcohol. I ask for ID and they all "lost their wallets" but they know the manager. Our manager comes over and says yes, he knows the girl but if they don't have their ID's, they don't get alcohol. So this pissed them off even more. Finally, I bring their food and walk away for about 10 minutes. They polish off their food in this time and then get angry I wasn't over there fast enough to get their check and to-go box. All in all, I made 2 dollars from them. Yay! >:(

We got jerseys to wear on Sunday and Monday and they don't fit me AT ALL!! They're too big, especially in the chest area. I've gotta go out and buy stuff to make my boobs pushed up a little more, even with my Victoria's Secret Bombshell bra. But the jerseys are adorable.

We had our image class yesterday and it basically taught us how to be pretty and what to do to up our sales and get better tips. Note to self: get mints to give to people when they get their check, decorate to-go boxes, and play games. Doesn't seem too hard, I think. I'll have to run to Wally World later this week to pick up mints. Plus, it got me inspired to FINALLY get my hair cut this week with sideswept bangs. I can't wait to see how they'll look on me!!

Oh!! And may I just say here how amazing the girls I work with are? I seriously love them. <3

Well, hopefully I won't have as long between updates.

New Blog

Alright! So I finally decided I'm going to go with my adventures and stuff on being a Hooter's Girl. I figure it's a hell of a lot more interesting than just writing about my dating life.

Today was absolutely dead. I knew it would be, considering it was Labor Day. Everyone's probably out on their boats, grilling out on their patios, and having a good day off. I only made about 20 dollars, but I only had one table. They were just driving through on their Harleys. I was pretty nervous because I have never taken a table of more than 8 people before and they were a table of 11. I didn't mess up at all, although I think I'm pretty dumb when it comes to getting change and handling cash. I completely shut down when it comes to that. I just wish everyone in the world paid with debit card . . . or at least pay with exact change or something.

The Harley people were from Tampa, so a few of the people actually recognized me from where I worked before. It was really cool and showed just how small the world really is. I was able to really joke and laugh with them and it made me feel a lot more comfortable about working here. Of course, I still get that anxious feeling when a table sits with me, but once I get to them, it's gone and I see it's just another chance to prove myself. I can't wait for us to get our Hooters jerseys for football season. We have drink specials now, all kinds of food specials, and Fantasy Football. It's a lot to remember, but I'll bet it will keep us busy for the next few months. Woohoo!!

I've gotta dress up for Halloween. I don't know what I want to be, but I know I FINALLY get to be something sexy. No more kids costumes, no silly costumes, none of that. I have to spend some money and look good this year. I'll keep you updated on what I decide. I will keep a list in my agenda though of what I'm potentially interested in.

That's all I have for now. I'm sure I'll have a lot more stories later!

Changing Angles

Hey everyone!! Long time no write. Well, this week has been hectic to say the least. I started work, I've been studying all week for my test that I just took (got a B, woohoo!!), and I'm OFFICIALLY all settled. Now for the details and all that stuff of my life.

I didn't get the job in Charlotte. Maybe if another position opens up, I'll be able to get it. I'm gonna be honest though, I really don't care that I didn't get this position. This job at Hooters is amazing. I get to make my own schedule, I will be making more than enough money, and the girls are (for the most part) nothing short of amazing. I feel self-conscious at first when I put my uniform on because I don't have the boobs or the totally flat stomach that I want, but once I really get into it, I feel fine. Also, we get free memberships to the gym, so I'm totally taking advantage of that. I officially start tomorrow on my own since the past three days I've been training. I'm pretty nervous but I guess in a good way. Unfortunately, I cannot post pics of me in my uniform or anything because it's against company policy unless it's taken at an event or by an official cameraman or something like that. Maybe one day I'll get pictures or something, but who knows ;) I also may get the chance one day down the road to go overseas, be involved in charities, all that good stuff.

I'm also doing pretty well in school. Granted, it's only been two weeks since school has started, but I'm almost at an A so that's a big yay for me. I still have one other class that will start up in a couple of weeks and I need to get ahead as much as possible in this class now. I'm very proud of myself in the fact I've been keeping up with this bullshit of a difficult class. No joke, this class is so hard.

My mommy's coming up here in about two weeks and finally I'll have a girl's opinion on my makeup and stuff. I have no idea wtf to do when it comes to makeup, but she knows what looks good on me and what doesn't. Plus, if I get bored and my dad's not home, she'll be there. Hopefully the Hooters girls and I will become closer though and I'll have friends.

Alright ladies, a big sort of question/update for this blog. I'm really thinking I should change the angle I'm going with because I'm not able to date right now, I'm just taking the love thing with a grain of salt (especially with everything that has happened to me with the ex and stuff like that), and I don't want to bore anyone who actually reads this. Not that anyone does.

So, I might actually change my angle to be about me being a Hooters Girl and the day to day aspects of working there, the men who come in, the girls I work with, and maybe . . . just MAYBE, I'll meet a guy there. Besides, it may just be a hell of a lot more interesting than the crap I've been putting up here since I started this.

So what do you all think?

Boys blowin' up my phone

Sooooo, I'm not sure if I'm pathetic or what, but I was bored and signed up for a dating site. I'm really just looking to see what kind of people live around here, not at all wanting to meet someone on the site. Besides, I think my parents and friends would think it's weird. Ok changed my mind, I just deleted my profile lol. I'll just meet someone in person. I have no idea who these people are on these sites anyway.

My friend asked me if I was interested in a guy (Jesse) who constantly writes on my facebook and I write on his. I think either she wants me to hook her up with him or she wants me to date him. Unfortunately for me, he has a kid and we've tried to hang out before but he just never followed through with plans and would leave me hanging. He's so funny though and we definitely make each other laugh. Sucks that things couldn't be different for us.

I made friends the other day! We're supposed to be hanging out this weekend so I'm excited to have met people. Their names are Lashay and Tiffany. Tiffany has a 3 year old little boy named Colby and that's how we all started talking (Colby kept wanting to swim with me in the pool). They're pretty cool and I'm psyched to hang out with new people. They were very confused as to why I would leave Tampa for here, and all I can tell them is that I needed a change in my life and needed to start over. So now I need to make a new tag. NC Friends ;-)

My orientation for Hooters got postponed so I need to call back and figure out when it's rescheduled to. I want to start working so badly! Everyone (guys especially) keeps asking me if I'll take pictures of my uniform and post it on facebook. There are four boys especially that keep asking and they're the same four boys that I really can't stand talking to. So for the sake of those four boys, I AM NOT POSTING THE PICTURE FOR YOU!!! Boys are funny. I won't lie, I am wondering how I'll look in that uniform. It still hasn't hit me yet. I'm just hoping this isn't some cruel joke and that this job is for real.

Alright, I slept in until 9:15 today and I cannot do that tomorrow. I have too much stuff to get done tomorrow (gym, tanning, studying, UNPACKING MY CLOTHES FROM THE BOXES) and I'm being lazy. It's chilly tonight. Yay!! Goodnight blogging world!

Actually, before I go to bed, I've been thinking of something a lot lately. With the fact that my ex cheated on me, it really effin hurt. How am I going to ever date if I can't even get past the fact that it wasn't my fault he cheated? Or if it was my fault, what can I do to make sure it won't happen again? I'm still so hurt by all of it. He still made me feel like I was the only one in his life, everything was fine, and then BAM. I don't want to get hurt again.

Me Against the World

So I've already been here a week and I love it. But I'm very much stressed out. I officially start school on Monday . . . I looked at the syllabus last night and holy crap I'm in for an interesting semester to say the least. I start orientation at Hooters on Monday and I'm freaking nervous about it. The girls who work there are so pretty and they have huge boobs. I definitely don't have the boobs lol :-( Finally, I had my interview with my company on Wednesday in Charlotte. I am still getting settled here, but I would LOVE this opportunity to move to Charlotte and be on my own with this job. It's such a great job. However, I think another girl in the office is gonna get it. I mean, c'mon let's be realistic. I'd be the new girl in the office and she's been there for 3 years already. Although, the interviewer told my dad he was really impressed with my interview and how I carried myself.

AHHHHHHHHHH on top of that, I haven't had time to go out and make friends so it's not like I can go out and get a drink with a girlfriend and vent. Thank God I have my MSOS girls because they're definitely keeping me sane this week. My Tampa friends really haven't tried to contact me except a few girls. I kinda saw it coming anyway. They're busy with life, but still. You ask me to keep in touch but won't put forth the effort yourself? Meh, it is what it is, right?

Artsy Matt wrote me on Thursday asking why I haven't tried talking to him. Of course, I went to my dad for advice on what to write back. I liked him on our first date, I really did. But the more we talked over the week, the more I realized he's just not my type at all. Not only that, but I've barely had time to get settled, let alone try and talk to him. I just can't handle that right now. So I wrote him back (with the guidance of my dad lol!!) and said that I'm just so busy with school, work, and this move that it's just really hectic in my life right now. He wrote back that it was ok and that was it. As horrible as it is for me to say this, I kinda hope that he leaves me alone now. We'll see though.

I've been working out pretty much everyday and I'm still not losing weight. I'm going to cut back on my eating and see if that helps. I need to look good for Hooters! And on that note, I am hitting up the pool to get a tan. I am giving the palest of pale people a run for their money. Maybe I'll meet some super awesome amazing uber cool friends there! ;-)

. . . . although there IS a hot trainer at the gym . . . .

For As Much As She's Stumbled, She's Running.

I've been so busy that I haven't really been able to update this for the past few days. I bought a new netbook (which I'm writing on right now!) to take with me to places like Starbucks, Panera, or just for home. I can do my schoolwork on it and also write here on it. I freakin love it! I wanted the pink HP netbook but it was like 80 dollars more expensive. I couldn't justify spending that much for a netbook that does the same things as this one does.

I also got a job!! It's not the one at the company, but for now it'll do. Haha I'm gonna be a Hooters girl! :-) I was eating dinner with my dad and decided just to get the application for the hell of it. I didn't think anything would happen of it, but next thing I know I'm sitting with the manager in an interview, 1 1/2 beers in and with ratty jeans. He hired me on the spot. So I had to take this three hour course and exam on alcohol and drug safety but I passed!!! Now I've just gotta get set up for orientation and I'm good to go. I'm so excited!! I can keep going with school and still have money for bills and whatnot. I hope I make friends and meet people this way, too. It also makes me feel really pretty to know I got hired right away. I don't have the boobs at all, but I figure I can just wear my uber bras from Victoria's Secret lol. Woohoo!!!!

I went and worked out for a while yesterday, but alas, no hot guys. Oooooo but I did see a super hot guy at Walmart. I wish I would have said hi to him. Maybe next time :-)

I've been trying to keep up with my friends back home, but only a handful have written me back. My best friend hasn't asked how I'm doing or what's been going on, but my other best friend always asks what's up. I'm just ready to start over :-P

Alright, gotta have a quick breakfast. I'm going to work out, come home, and then go exploring. There's a Ross and Ulta plus a mall down the street. I still have to unpack so I'll do that later today, too.

I'm here!!! I made it!!! It took me 11 hours to get here, and it would have taken a lot less if traffic and rain hadn't slowed my travels (STUPID RAIN!!!).

I thought that I wouldn't cry because I cried a lot on Sunday. I also said goodbye to all my friends and co-workers and didn't even shed a tear. I dunno, I just thought it would be relatively easy to say bye to my mom and sister. Welllll that wasn't the case. I got in my car, set up my GPS, and then got out to say by. I just crumpled into tears. My sister, who never EVER cries, was sobbing along with me and my mom. It was just . . . it really broke my heart. It was the worse pain I've ever felt. Definitely a lot worse than a break up, not getting into the colleges I wanted, the fights with my friends, any of that. It was just this unimaginable pain I never thought I'd feel.

But after that I got on the road. It really went by fast, considering I was all alone. I zoned out a lot through most of the trip because, before I knew it, I was in North Carolina and almost to the apartment. I got to talk to my mom and sister a couple of times and I said hi to my MSOS Blackberry girls (HIIII GIRLS!!). All in all, it was a great trip. I managed to cut an hour out of the trip because it was supposed to take 12 hours. Woohoo go me!

This week my goal are to job hunt and explore the area. I'm looking at restaurant jobs right now because I need fast money and I definitely know how to serve and stuff. I applied for a position within the company I'm in now down in Charlotte so maybe I'll successfully get that job. That would be freakin amazing!! Until then, I'll just look for something that can give me a sort of income right now. I have school and bills so I really can't afford to be unemployed right now.

Wish me luck guys!!

Breakaway

These are the main girls in my life. They're the ones that I fight with, I laugh with, I roll my eyes with, I drink with, and I love. I officially said goodbye to (most) of them this week. Ok, not really goodbye, but a see you later sorta thing. My room is packed, my days are numbered here, and I just don't know what to feel at this point.

Artsy Matt contacted me from Virginia. Like I said before, I really don't feel anything for him, but his text just . . . . ummm wow. We went back and forth talking about how I'm leaving on Saturday. He wants me to contact him when I get up there so we can hang out. Ok, not bad. I told him I'm actually looking to move to Charlotte which is a couple of hours farther away. So what does he write? "If you are looking for a roommate or something like that, just let me know ;-)". NO!! I don't even really know you! Why the hell would I room with you? That really just ughhh I rolled my eyes and didn't write back.

Ummmm so yeah, that's about it.

I Hope You Had The Time of Your Life

Well, my party was amazing. I would have written yesterday, but I was resting and gearing up for work last night. Plus, I had to buy a GPS for my trip up to NC and still get my oil changed.

I was doing very well as far as keeping my emotions in check throughout the day. I didn't realize how hard it would be to have all my friends in one room, all wanting to say 'see you later' to me. I went outside to talk to my mom and I just broke down and sobbed. . . . granted the alcohol didn't help, but still. All my friends came outside and hugged me and told me everything would be fine and I will do great in NC. I'm still scared though. . . excited, but scared. I think this is the hardest part of my move, the anticipation and the buildup of me leaving.

My friend of five years came by to say bye to me. He and I have experienced college together, but he's very much a troublemaker. Always in trouble with the law and with girls. We were saying goodbye and ended up kissing. I told him that, while I do like him and he's an amazing person and such an important guy in my life, nothing can really happen with us. He's leaving for med school and I'm obviously leaving for good. So we just enjoyed each others company and then he left. He kinda calmed me down too because I was still crying so much lol.

I took quite a few pictures so as soon as I upload them, I'll post them here. But now I gotta finish packing. Ack, can't believe how real this is all becoming. I'm leaving so much behind. It's bittersweet.

Every Mile A Memory

I've never been much of a sleeper, and it's really only been recently that I've been able to even fall asleep. Tonight I have so much running through my head and I'm starting to get a sick feeling in my stomach, so I thought I'd turn here.

I leave for NC on Saturday. THIS SATURDAY. I was completely fine with moving all the way up until now. Don't get me wrong, I'm still excited, but now I'm extremely nervous. I'm leaving my friends, some whom I've known most of my life, and I'm leaving my sister. My mom will be up in NC in Octoberish, but my sister's staying here because she has an amazing job, and she has her own apartment with her boyfriend, so moving is out of the question. I'm scared to leave everything behind. I know I'm going to make some more amazing friends, but it's still nervewracking. I'll love NC, but it's just the fact I'm leaving everything I've ever known behind that's making me all icky inside.

Plus, it'll really show who my TRUE friends are. I have had this going away party planned for a month and it's tomorrow. I actually let one of my friends know a few days before I posted the event on facebook and she promised she would come (she was the one who introduced me to my ex and we were best friends for quite some time. She road tripped with me to Texas to meet up with him and her boyfriend when they returned from Iraq). Welllllll fast forward to this week. I text her a few times, asking whether she was coming because I really needed to know and I was hoping to see her before I leave for good. She writes me tonight "Sorry I won't be able to make it. Chris surprised me with a weekend in #@@!(#(!. I'll miss you though!" Wait what?? You knew about this for a month. I said you could have brought him, so this means you probably didn't even mention wanting to go. You knew I've been trying to get in touch with you all week. I know you keep your phone on you and you constantly bitch about your boyfriend and how much you can't stand him and want to leave him for a guy you met on W.O.W. THIS shows me that you really don't have any feelings whether I'm leaving or not. Whatever, like I said, this just shows who my friends are and who they aren't. . . . or something like that?

Alright, I'm going to TRY and go to bed again. I feel like I want to throw up because I'm so nervous, but hopefully it'll be daylight soon and I won't have to worry about sleeping lol. Yay party!!

P.S. I know this is supposed to be about me looking for love, but I haven't even had time for myself this past week. lol, I promise once I move this will turn more toward that :-)

Gives You Hell

Yesterday was a weird day for me, all the way up until I fell asleep at night. I kept wondering why the hell my ex cheated on me. What could I have done different to prevent this? What does she have that I don't? Is she prettier? Smarter? More loving? Is she funnier? I could not escape these questions and emotions and it just brought a wave of blah-ness over me. I kept thinking of our relationship and how happy I thought we were (even in our bad times we were still good). I don't know why I kept thinking about this because it's not like I cried over it or stayed in bed all day. I just had that gross feeling that I couldn't get past.

I thought of how, when we were breaking up, how he asked (almost begged) me to write him while he was deployed and how he would see where I was when he returned. I mean, I don't even know if he was being honest about his deployment. He told me he still loved me but I don't know if I believe that. How am I going to ever trust a guy again when I've been screwed over like this?

It's not the first time I've been cheated on either. My very first relationship (my first everything) I was cheated on. The guy played World of Warcraft and met a girl in California. They called and sent pictures of each other every night. The night we broke up, she flew out a few days later and I found out they had sex. That seriously hurt me. It made me feel worthless, like I wasn't even good enough for my boyfriend to love me.

I feel so much better today though. I woke up and shrugged it off. If she makes him happy, then I'm happy for them. I still wish karma would bite them in the ass. And I hope he wishes the same for me. The future holds a lot for the both of us I guess.

In happier news!! I'm gearing up for my party on Sunday. My mom's helping me out. We're having BBQ pulled pork, pasta salad, brownies, chips, veggies, and lots and lots of drinks :-D I'm making jello shots because I've never had them before. I'm so excited to see my friends one last time before I leave on the 14th. I'd love to construct some sort of beer pong table, but I might just get something from Spencers. They have cool party stuff that would entertain my friends.

Woohoo!! And I will be sure to post pics here too :-)

I hate to break it to you baby, but I'm not drowning

I always have the strangest dreams. They vary from night to night, but last night was one of my stranger ones. I had a dream that I ran into my ex with his new girlfriend. My ex was freaking out and trying to figure out an excuse to get out of introducing us to each other. His girlfriend was so happy to meet me and in my dream I wanted to actually be her friend. She told me about the wedding they were planning (in a not-making-me-jealous way) and told me the reason why my ex didn't deploy was because he wanted to stay home and make a life for them (yeah, because in real life, the Army just lets you stay home whenever you want).

I told her that I wished she was ugly or fat or something because I didn't WANT to like her and be her friend and she said she wished the same for me. All the while my ex is hanging around all uncomfortable with the situation. I think I woke up shortly after that.

So, I dunno. We'll see what all that means. I woke up feeling a lot better though, so maybe it was a good thing!

I ain't settlin' for anything less than everything

I'm so excited to make this my home!! This is the view from our balcony. When I was there on vacation, the weather was hot but definitely not as hot as it is here in freakin' Florida. Ughhhh!! Every time I told someone that Florida's heat was so much worse, they looked at me like I was exaggerating and I didn't know what I was talking about. The best way I can describe Florida's heat to NC's heat is that Florida is . . . . suffocating.

Artsy Matt keeps asking me if I would like to see him before he moves (he'll be about two hours away from where I'm moving by random coincidence). I have NO idea how to tell him that, even though our date a couple of weeks ago was so much fun, I don't see him as anything more than a friend. I need someone who has a sort of schedule, a plan, or something. I don't want someone who goes out every night either. I don't know . . . I mean he's such a great guy. I just don't see boyfriend in him.

I'm not the girl who needs a boyfriend to survive. I refuse to settle when I don't feel that *chemistry* with someone. When I feel it, I'll know. Until then, I'm just going to go out and enjoy myself.

Hi there!

My name is Ms. Nutmeg and I'm 22 years old. I started this blog because I used to have a paper journal but I find this might work a lot better for me. I'm going through a lot of change in my life right now and I'm starting this blog to help me with all of it.

Back in May, my boyfriend and I broke up. Come to find out he had another girlfriend on the side and had been seeing her for quite some time. While this has hurt me immensely and I definitely feel pangs of self-doubt, anger, and sadness, I know that it just means there is someone out there who is better for me.

I'm moving up to North Carolina in just two weeks and completely starting my life over. My friends, my job, my entire life is going to be left behind as I begin to figure out who I am and who my soul mate is, whatever that means at this point. I hope this journey will make me laugh, cry, beg, smile, and, most importantly, open up and fall in love again.

We'll see what happens and where life (and this blog) will take me from here.