Gives You Hell

Yesterday was a weird day for me, all the way up until I fell asleep at night. I kept wondering why the hell my ex cheated on me. What could I have done different to prevent this? What does she have that I don't? Is she prettier? Smarter? More loving? Is she funnier? I could not escape these questions and emotions and it just brought a wave of blah-ness over me. I kept thinking of our relationship and how happy I thought we were (even in our bad times we were still good). I don't know why I kept thinking about this because it's not like I cried over it or stayed in bed all day. I just had that gross feeling that I couldn't get past.

I thought of how, when we were breaking up, how he asked (almost begged) me to write him while he was deployed and how he would see where I was when he returned. I mean, I don't even know if he was being honest about his deployment. He told me he still loved me but I don't know if I believe that. How am I going to ever trust a guy again when I've been screwed over like this?

It's not the first time I've been cheated on either. My very first relationship (my first everything) I was cheated on. The guy played World of Warcraft and met a girl in California. They called and sent pictures of each other every night. The night we broke up, she flew out a few days later and I found out they had sex. That seriously hurt me. It made me feel worthless, like I wasn't even good enough for my boyfriend to love me.

I feel so much better today though. I woke up and shrugged it off. If she makes him happy, then I'm happy for them. I still wish karma would bite them in the ass. And I hope he wishes the same for me. The future holds a lot for the both of us I guess.

In happier news!! I'm gearing up for my party on Sunday. My mom's helping me out. We're having BBQ pulled pork, pasta salad, brownies, chips, veggies, and lots and lots of drinks :-D I'm making jello shots because I've never had them before. I'm so excited to see my friends one last time before I leave on the 14th. I'd love to construct some sort of beer pong table, but I might just get something from Spencers. They have cool party stuff that would entertain my friends.

Woohoo!! And I will be sure to post pics here too :-)